Do you ever wonder why you’ve been struggling with the same issues over and over again?  Have you realized that New Year’s Resolution is a short-hand way of saying this annoying behavior that I’ve been trying to change for the last ten years? 

Many of us have resigned ourselves to the idea that “we are as we are” and that there is no changing it.  But you don’t have to give up on the new and improved you so quickly.  However, you might have to give up some of the ideas you have on how to create change.  Here are five steps that will make this year’s resolutions stick:

1. Create a Vivid Mental Picture

The human mind is a powerful tool, but it has to have something at which to aim.  They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and in this case they’re right.  One of the most powerful things you can do to create new behaviors is to create a clear picture of what it’ll look like once you’ve obtained your desired goals.  If your goal is to lose weight, than have a bright, Technicolor image of what the lean, mean you looks like.  If it’s to become more confident, see a clear mental image of you as a poised, self-assured person walking into the room.  Even if it’s far from where you currently are, even if it seems fantastical right now, you have to see where you want to go.

2. Treat the Problem, Not the Symptom

So often we want easy (and fast) answers to life’s challenges.  In our lives we usually put band-aids over broken legs and wonder why things don’t get better.  Many of the challenges we face are surface manifestations of deeper issues.  For example, if a person over-eats whenever they get stressed, they can go on as many diets as they want with little success if they don’t learn how to either handle the stress another way or remove themselves from stressful environments.  If you want to create change in your life, you have to give up the old you to become the new you – dig in to the root causes and change them.

3. Take the First Step (and Make it Small)

People often get discouraged by change because they attempt too much too fast.  You might have heard the old saying about how to eat an elephant (one bite at a time); it’s the same with creating change in your life.  Most people feel they have to make huge, gigantic leaps, instead of making small and steady changes that gradually move them in the direction they want.  Then they either don’t act because those changes are so daunting, or they quickly revert to their old habits because they are so far out of their comfort zone. If you are tired of eating 3 donuts every morning, try cutting back to 2 donuts first instead of nixing them completely.  Just like a physical muscle must be gradually strengthened, so too must your mental muscles.  Discipline is developed one decision at a time.

4. Have the Right Perspective on Failure

I think that a disservice formal education does to young people is that it makes them fear failure in any form (my stomach still gets in a knot at the idea of getting an “F”.  So we learn to avoid failure at any cost, and will even avoid making changes because of the fear of future failure.  To take away the mystery right now, you will fail often as you try to incorporate changes into your life.  However, every time you don’t follow your new plan, simply look at it as a bump on the road.  It can be an opportunity to recommit, to reconnect, or get feedback on the direction you’re going.  Failure is an event, not a person – when you fall off the metaphoric horse, just get back on and keep riding

5. Understand that Patience Really Is a Virtue

Not only does a proper perspective on failure help, but also a long-term perspective.  For example, say you’ve been running late to things all of your life.  You make a commitment to be on-time from now on; which lasts about 4 days until you find yourself running late one day and you give up in a huff.  Personal change is a marathon, not a sprint.  If you started exercising in an attempt to lose weight, would you expect all of the weight to go away the first day?  Of course not.  When you are working on creating a new behavior you are literally creating new roads in your mind, new neural pathways.  The more you perform a new activity, and the longer you do it, the easier it gets.  Be patient with yourself.