I think you need to be more precise in your communication.  More precisely, you need to be more precise with the words you choose to use (and then make sure to use them).

I spend a lot of time teaching people how to communicate, and in the back pocket of any communications trainer is the idea that verbal communication depends on three things: word choice, vocal tone, and body language.  We get all excited when we reveal that word choice is less than 10% of communication effectiveness - it really isn't what you say, but how you say it.  So we talk about how to use body language and the tone of your voice to create alignment between the what and the how.

That's all well and good but we tend gloss over the importance of choosing and using the right words.  Word choice might only be around 10% of the message, but it's the part that clarifies the other 90%.  No one is completely sure exactly how language evolved, but my guess is that it was more effective to say "There's a large mastodon about to stomp on your head" than to  just jump and shout.

We tend to rely on communicating through tone and body language because it acts as a bond.  Sarcasm is a great example - the whole point of sarcasm as humor is that the other person just gets it.  When our friends understand that we're using sarcasm, it strengthens the relationship between us.  But sarcasm also illustrates the problems with using tone and body language to communicate - we've all had huge blow-up fights because someone didn't get the joke.

The bigger problem comes in as we go through our days, communicating the whole time, using our body language and vocal tone to do all the work.  We get lazy.  It's like turning in a rough draft as finished work  - we're not telling the whole story.  We're basically spewing half-communicated ideas all around and hoping our hearers will figure it out.  They do, but they don't necessarily get the message right.   So it confuses the people we know really well, and it builds a really weak foundation for new relationships.

It feels weird to be really precise because we're not used to it.  It's a habit that requires practice.  But when you join clear word choice with awareness of your vocal tone and body language, real communication goes up (and miscommunication goes down).

There are over 50,000 words in the English language - use them.

It used to be that creating your professional network was easy – it was simply the people you saw at the office regularly.  These days, though, with our work and our co-workers often spread throughout the country (and world), it can be hard to connect and build relationships with your professional peers.  But never fear, online social networking sites can help you develop your network in your career field.

Because everyone has a limited amount of time, few of the industry-specific social media sites have taken off; so it’s important to find members of your profession on the main sites.  And they are there – many professionals engage in some sort of online activity on a daily basis.   Here are a few ideas on how to find and connect with them:

StumbleUpon provides a great way for you to search for relevant websites in your field – and more importantly, who’s contributing to them.  You can use YouTube for the same purpose of finding content creators in your field so you can reach out to them.  And some of your Facebook friends are probably from work – who are they connected with that you’d like to know professionally?

LinkedIn is the main professional social networking site and there are number of ways to connect with your colleagues.  Join one of the 1.2 million+ Groups – many of which focus on a particular industry or geographic area.  You can also participate in the Answers section, where you will find your peers congregating in the topic areas that you are also interested in.  And you can always use the Search feature to find professionals based on a certain keyword or job title. 

And on Twitter, the raucous 300 million person online cocktail party (without the cocktails but with the background chatter), you can follow people to see what your industry peers are “talking” about.  You can use the Twitter search, or applications like HootSuite or TweetDeck to find ideal connections.  Once you’ve followed them and listened for a bit, send them a direct tweet back and start a conversation – they’ll often follow you in return.

There are other ways to find people online, but you’ll find that these give you a great place to start.  Try a few of them, and see what happens!

It’s tough to be a recent college graduate.  At least that’s what everyone seems to be saying.  Kids are graduating with lots of student loans and few job prospects.  I don’t buy it.  Here’s what I would tell them (and feel free to pass this along):

Go get a sales job.

It’s not that hard.  Well, it’s not unless you sit around waiting for the $80,000 base salary, company car, and cushy sales territory.  Any company worth it’s salt is always looking for quality salespeople.  So check your ego and entitlement at the door and start applying. 

And don’t just get a sales job to pass the time until something better comes along.  Treat it like the profession that it is.  I watch people spend 2 to 4 years and tens (hundreds) of thousands of dollars to get graduate-level degrees that have questionable economic value.  What if you spent that same amount of time in a sales position?   What if you spent the same amount of time reading as you would if you were in grad school -but you read books on how to sell, how to be effective in business, and how to interact with people?  For one thing, you’d actually make money instead of eating ramen for a few years, and you’d be way more employable at the end of it.

If you think you are too good for sales, or that sales is a four letter word, I would get over your incorrect assumptions (and yourself).  Let’s face it, your outmoded opinions probably aren’t helping you right now, unless you really like un/underemployment.  I’m not talking about hustling crappy products door-to-door or becoming a telemarketer.  I’m talking about selling a product or service that solves peoples’ problems and that you have belief in, that you can stand behind. 

 When you work in sales, you learn/hone/demonstrate four important skills: 

1. How to work – I don’t mean to sound like a crotchety old man, but a solid work ethic is irreplaceable.  I don’t care how talented you think you are, if you can’t work hard, you aren’t that valuable in the work force (we all know a lot of lazy people).  In sales, you can't hide behind a desk and mundane tasks – if you don't produce you don't get paid.  Scary?  Yes.  Liberating?  Yes.  The less bullshit you have in your life, the better, and your paycheck will tell you just how much you’ve been working
2. How to interact with others – No matter what your dream job is, the soft “people skills” are one of the most important skill sets you can develop.  And they are completely portable.  You’ll find wherever you go that the individuals who can work with others rise to the top.  Just like any other skill, your people skills will improve when you practice them in a professional environment when results are on the line.
3. How to handle rejection and failure – We all know people who fold when something doesn’t go their way.  They are the opposite of dependable and they aren’t the type of people that stick around in any role.  Toughen yourself up and you’ll find your life is a lot easier – and that more people want to hire you.  Self-confidence can’t be given to you, it has to be earned
4. How to pursue a goal – I once heard the value of a college degree described as, “proving that you can stick with a project over a period of time.”  Anyone who’s trying to hit a sales goal demonstrates they can stick with a long-term goal.  And that’s darn sexy to any organization when they are hiring.  Because unless you are a temporary consultant, they want to know that you see things through to completion.

There are many other benefits to sales experience, but don’t take my word for it.  Find a quality organization with a quality offering, and put two years into excelling at a sales position there.  It’s better than wasting away at a part-time job that you don’t care about, and when you’re done, you can say thanks by buying me dinner.  

Some of the most useful (and entertaining) professional development classes I’ve ever taken have been improv-comedy classes.  Besides making me a little less unfunny at parties, I’ve learned some powerful and practical communication skills in these classes. 

One of them came from a brilliant teacher, Tim Whetham.  (He was the teacher who pointed out on the first day of class that, “everyone is already good at improv, we do it 24 hours a day).  In a class on performing an improvisational scene with a partner, Tim pointed out that your focus in the scene should be to validate the choices the other actor makes.  In the heat of the moment, when it’s easy to dismiss what the other person says in a scene, Tim suggested that the response should be to always be to think: “Why was that brilliant?”

When you are working hard to validate your partner, and they are working hard to validate you, great things start to happen on stage.  No matter how off-the-wall or crazy your scene partner’s choices, it’s amazing when you can operate from a place of creativity, instead of slamming the doors shut. It doesn’t mean that you have to go along with blatantly wrong statements, but if you suspend your judgment for a while, you get to make different (and more conscious) decisions.

Let’s remove it from the improv stage: What an interesting way to go through life!  Instead of judging everything that is said to you or done around you, just ask yourself, “Why was that brilliant?”   It could be your business partner, your spouse, or the person standing in front of you in the line at the Starbucks, but look for the possibilities in the situation instead of closing yourself down to them.  It’s so easy to dismiss what others say, either subconsciously or directly, that we end up closed off to the great ideas and influences that pop up in our lives every day.

This is how you dive deeper into your relationships, and it’s how you open yourself to ideas that lead to personal and professional growth.  You don’t have to take everything at face value, but if you can learn to pause the internal critic in your mind, you’ll find the space that opens up allows for some fantastic results!

1. Who your coffee partner is as a person – which leads to stronger relationships.
2. A new perspective on your career and career issues – which allows you more options and helps you make better professional decisions.
3. How you can help the other people in your network – which helps you bring value and makes you feel good.

I have a shelf in my office full of sales books, and they pretty much all say the same things.  So when I read another book on sales these days, what I'm looking for are the few nuggets that stand out and make the lightbulb go off.  It might be a reminder of something I already knew, or a different way of looking at a part of the sales process, but it's a piece of actionable information that will make a difference in my results.

Jeffrey definitely delivers in the Little Red Book of Selling.  This isn't a book of basics, and I think there are better foundation books out there.  For salespeople with a little experience under their belt, though, this is a great tool to use to develop advanced business skills.

Big Thought:

“People Don't Like to be Sold, but They Love to Buy … your job as a master salesman is to create an atmosphere where people want to buy” (first page)

Ideas, Implications, and Questions:

• Most sales books put forth a sales process that is “scientific”, meaning that if it’s run the right way, anyone could run it.  But, whether we want to admit it or not, a prospect’s feelings towards the salesperson influences what will happen.  I like that Jeffrey points out that “liking is the single most powerful element in a sales relationship.”  Because, “All things being equal, people want to do business with their friends.  All things being not quite so equal, people STILL want to do business with their friends.” (pg 81)  So it’s important to develop your sales skills, but it’s even more critical to develop your interpersonal skills.
• Over and over, Jeffrey points out that people who buy aren’t looking to become informed and educated, they are looking for someone to solve their problems as quickly as possible.  I think a lot of salespeople fall into the trap of telling their customers about their products – when all the customers care about is the ability of the product to fix  their issues.  It’s the the old school “features vs. benefits” idea – tell prospects how you can help them, not the facts and figures.
• One of the most common objections that salespeople run into is price – because every prospect has a finite amount of cash they can spend.  Too many sales people wither when this comes up, instead of standing up for themselves.  I love Jeffrey’s response: “Price or profit, Mr. Jones, which would you rather have?” (pg 77)

• “In sales it's not who you know.  In sales, it's who knows you.” (pg 63).  A powerful reminder about prospecting – especially for those who use networking to build their pipeline.  What are you doing to increase the visibility of your brand in the marketplace – especially as a solver of problems?   If it’s used correctly, social media is a really useful tool for solving both sides of the equation.

Should you read this book?

If you are selling – absolutely.  It will re-focus your efforts and re-engage you with your craft at a high level.  Definitely worth the time.

Happiness is the ever-elusive holy grail that we keep chasing – and it seems after all of our efforts, we’re not getting any closer to achieving it.  The problem, as Daniel Gilbert points out in the beginning of Stumbling on Happiness, is that we even struggle to even define what happiness is!  Stumbling on Happiness is one of the few books that I’ve read that tackles the question of our happiness from a common-sense, almost rational,  point of view.  If all of us want it, and are willing to work for it, why do we live so much of our lives in unhappiness.  Daniel tackles this question with using  a variety of disciplines, including psychology, neurobiology, behavioral economics, and luckily, a good deal of humor.

Big Thought

Human beings are really bad at predicting what they need to do now to feel happy in the future.  But if we understand why we’re bad at predicting our future needs, we can start to make different decisions in the present.

Ideas, Implications, and Questions

•  The implications of Stumbling on Happiness are quite far-reaching, but the biggest impact it made was on my own decision-making process.  Unfortunately, it didn’t necessarily help me make better decisions, but it helped illuminate how my own process worked, and gave me a reason to slow down and consider other alternatives.  In this way, it actually reinforces the Buddhist practice of desirelessness, because it gave me another tool to realize that doing something now (eating a doughnut, buying a DVD, sleeping late) wasn’t necessarily going to create happiness for my future self.
• “The surprisingly right answer is that people find it gratifying to exercise control – not just for the futures it buys them, but for the exercise itself.  Being effective – changing things, influencing things, making things happen – is one of the fundamental human needs…” (pg 22).  I’ve seen this over and over in myself and in the people I work with.  If you want to make someone happier, give them ownership and control over how they use their time.  People love the feeling of control, even if it’s just an illusion. 
• “Not only do we select favorable facts from magazines, we also select them from memory.” (pg 181).  This reminds me of the Zanders’ “it’s all invented” from The Art of Possibility.  If we are going to be subjective in finding support for our beliefs, why not find support for the beliefs that help us.  On a negative side, it also illustrates why arguing politics with someone is usually futile – we tend to pick the facts that agree with our viewpoint and ignore the contrary facts.
• “The tendency to recall and rely on unusual instances is one of the reasons why we so often repeat mistakes.” (pg 221).  The availability heuristic defines how exceptions stand out in our minds and therefore seem the norm.  This has a huge impact in business when professionals “manage to the exception”.  As examples, managers will often put policies into place based on the behaviors of a few employees versus the norm or salespeople will put phrases into their sales presentation based on the response from just a few customers.  The more conscious you can be of this tendency, the less likely you are to manage your activities based on the “anecdotes” that you can remember easily.

Should you read this book? 

Yes. Yesterday.  While not a handbook on how to live your life, I think that everyone can use a glimpse into the processes we all use on a daily basis to make decisions.  It will help explicate the decisions that those you live and work with make, and you won’t have to wonder, “What were they thinking when they made that decision?” And maybe more importantly, it will help you understand how you got to where you are with the decisions you make.

People that are good at building and maintaining a strong professional network are rarely unemployed for long; and it’s not just because they know a lot of people who can hire them.  It’s because the competencies that are necessary for successful networking are highly sought after in the job market.  When you are actively networking, you are both a) continually honing these skills and more importantly, b) proving that you have them! 

Here are a few of the intangible skills involved in successful networking:

Interpersonal Communication Skills – Networking is communicating.  If you are a good networker you are adept at one of the most important business skills around: engaging with another human being.  You can talk to people, ask questions, listen to their responses; in other words, you know how to build relationships. This is not a universal skill, and it’s highly prized by employers.

Self-Confidence –  Reaching out to someone new is hard, and building new relationships is tough; that’s why we usually just stick to our own small social group.  By networking, you are proving that you have the confidence to approach new people, and that if things don’t go great, it won’t discourage you.  Self-worth is an attribute that can’t be taught and is in high demand (and not just in the sales department).

Teamwork – Networking involves supporting other people, and asking for help when you need it, i.e., it requires teamwork.  Everyone says they’re a team player, but we both know that’s not the case.  By showing you can work in the social web and that you have people that want to interact with you (without being forced because you work together), you prove that you can “play well with the other kids” and that you’re a good addition to an organization.

These are just a few of the skills that you hone when you are networking, and are critical to  excelling in the workplace.  Technical skills aren’t enough.  If all you have is the technical skill to do a job, you’re replaceable by someone else who has that skill, or by technology.  You are just a commodity, interchangeable with anyone else who has that skill.  But when you take the technical skills and add the ability to interact with others (coworkers, clients, bosses, direct reports) at a high level, you create a powerful mix of skill sets.

Who gets the chance to practice these skills and improve their worth to a potential employer?  It’s the person who is out building relationships on a regular basis, regardless of their current employment situation.  If you consistently put yourself in situations where you are interacting with new people and improving your “soft skills”, you are constantly becoming more valuable in the marketplace.  This, combined with the fact that you do know more people who can connect you with job opportunities, will ensure that you never want for work.

I was having a conversation with a sales manager the other day about how to train and develop his salespeople.  After mapping out an effective curriculum, he paused and asked, “This is great for the motivated ones, but what about the people that are just lazy?” 

It’s an interesting question, but in the end it’s the wrong one.  I have yet to meet a person who is genuinely lazy, someone who has laziness as an inherent part of their personality.  I have, however, met many, many individuals who exhibit lazy behaviors.  Laziness is a symptom, not a disease.  I’ve found there are three reasons why someone will act lazily:

1. Fear of the Unknown – When we engage in a new activity, something changes and we don’t always know how that change will affect us.  Or we think the change will have some benefit, but we aren’t sure; in fact, it might actually cause pain.
2. Lack of Competence – If we don’t know how to accomplish a task, it’s easier to not even attempt it.  This is commonly found in the business world. 
3. No Compelling Reason to Act – An unfinished project would be usually be finished immediately if there was suddenly a million dollar reward.  This is complicated, however, by the fact that most compelling reasons are rarely financial (as you can see when, counter-intuitively, financial rewards don’t create increased activity).

When faced with managing a “lazy” person, then, the most important part of the process is diagnosing the real cause of inaction.  It’s important to identify which of these three reasons is most prevalent.  By the way, if you are facing your own inherent “laziness”, it’s the same process.

This is the true role of a leader or manager: finding out why those you are overseeing aren’t taking action.  And people are often unaware of their true blocks, which makes it more challenging.  In many ways, the most important role to play is one of investigator or detective, because once the real problems are known, it’s possible to prescribe remedies to the disease of laziness:

1. If there is a fear of the unknown, help to define possible outcomes.  Although the future can never be fully known, it’s often enough to dispel worst-case scenarios to create movement.
2. If a lack of competence is leading to inaction, help develop competence.  Provide training and direction on the skills necessary for success: create opportunities to practice and role-play, give access to books and other necessary materials, or send people to  conferences and seminars.  The more comfortable someone is in performing a task or activity, the more likely they are to engage in it.
3. Most importantly, create rewards and reasons to act.  As stated before, financial rewards usually fall flat.  However, we get stuck on financial rewards because they're easy.  Spend time with people in your organization and you’ll find what really makes them move.  The desire for personal and professional growth, the desire to help the team and be part of something bigger, or the desire to feel appreciated can be powerful motivators to tap into. 

“Laziness” is an easy scapegoat; it’s easy to call someone lazy and write them off.  With a little attention and conversation, though, it’s possible to get past initial impressions to the true challenges, and therefore, to the true solutions.

If you haven’t noticed, the way the world works has changed a lot.  Daily life is going to be a lot different for my children than it was for my parents. In times of change, we yearn for security. Unfortunately, the places that we’ve traditionally found security – career, families, culture - are where most of the changes are happening.  One area this is obvious is the lack of traditional job security.

From a historical perspective, it was way easier when you knew that someday you would take your parent’s job.  Millers milled, Porters ported, Smiths smithed (I’m pretty sure I know what my forefathers did for a living...). Even during most of the twentieth century, stable employment was the cultural norm – you worked for the same company until they gave you a gold watch and (hopefully) a pension.

These days, long-term stays with the same employer aren’t expected – by the employer or the employee.  Needless to say, this has caused a lot of stress as we bounce from position to position through periods of  “career transition”, trying to find a stable paycheck in an unstable world.  Even if you are highly skilled at your trade, outside variables have a profound impact on your employment.

It might not be possible to get rid of that stress, but it is possible to mitigate it.  One of the easiest ways of doing this is through building a strong professional network.  No matter your industry or profession, the more connections you have, and the stronger your relationships, the more support you will have when you transition from one position to another.

In Free Agent Nation, Daniel Pink wrote about a trend he saw in which short-term work teams would come together to work on a project and then disband to go onto other projects.  Whether or not you are a freelance graphic designer or corporate HR manager, there is much more fluidity in your career path.  If you accept that fluidity, and attempt to flow with the currents instead of fighting them, your professional opportunities will increase and your  stress hormones will decrease.

How do you go with the flow and still pay the bills.  If you are unemployed, your most valuable resource is information: Who is hiring?  What skills are employers looking for?  Who is a center of influence in your profession?  What are the trends in the industry?  Although you can get some of that information online, the most direct way is through your contacts.  Especially because they act as filters – they give you the most relevant information to your success because they want you to be successful.  They help direct your attention and efforts, and make it easier for you to act on the information, e.g., facilitate an introduction to an important contact.

The more robust your network, then, the easier it is to find the next position when your current one comes to an end.  The more influence you can bring to bear from others, the better.  The people in your network may be able to hire you directly, or they will have access to people who are hiring or information on where the jobs are.  Not only can this shorten the time when you are “between positions” or “in transition”, it can make those times an important part of your career growth instead of stagnation.

The key to having this network in place is constant cultivation.  Building your network can’t be an activity you start the day after you are laid off – it has to be a consistent part of your professional life.  Too often, people are scrambling to make networking connections, and trying to leverage them too quickly, because they didn’t lay any foundation when they were still employed.  Take the time now to build those relationships, because when you know that there’s a safety net of contacts and connections underneath you, you won’t feel the stress of walking the career tightrope.  You’ll know that even if you fall off, you’ll have a clear path to your next opportunity.